just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
