my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
birth control should be required to get into college
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
