White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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