$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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