you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
