my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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