i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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