I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
