Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we're so committed to being not committed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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