so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
