your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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