If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Even my vagina gasped.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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