Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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