do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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