Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize