So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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