My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
