Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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