I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
