When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
