This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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