Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
