I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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