WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize