There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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