Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
