I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
