I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
