I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
