Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
