Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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