my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
