i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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