You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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