My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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