No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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