its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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