matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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