so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
