I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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