All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize