i just had sex bonerless
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
