I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
