hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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