OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
