dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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