So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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