the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
