ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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