It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
