What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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