Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize