I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
