Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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