you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
