So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
