you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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