God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize