I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
