I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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