it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
