put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
