Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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