Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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