we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
