fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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