Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
