first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
