Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
