He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
