i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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