I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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