Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
