she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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